Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Sorry gals!! i cannot believe how hectic this last 6-8 weeks have been... and i've neglected this blog terribly!!

Update time hey...

Well October was no luck for us... but then i assumed it wouldn;t be as i as stressing from work stuff... am doign a HUGE project at the moment that isn;t slowing down! Plus Steve was out every other night working on his car or a friends car or something... trying to get things down before going away for cup weekend.

So as of now it has officially been 6 months! I know that's not a long long time... but god it feels like it is! I quit everything this month... I refused to chart a single thing at ALL... NO Temps... NO cervical mucus... NO OPK's! The only thing I've recorded this month is when we've DTD.

Surprisingly, I've felt a lot more... calm and relaxed this month because i wasn;t thinking about everything... I've slept better because i didn;t have it in my head to remember to temp before i got up... it's been good.

The only thing that did linger in my mind... was possibly O time... i gave myself quite a large gap considering in october i had 16 positive OPK's... and again a late O date that was around CD21.

So keeping myself safe I made the assumption of O day being sometime after about CD16... but more likely between CD20 and 27.

I've ended up being a VERY lucky lady in the bedroom department this month... (without putting TOO much stress on Steve... a couple of stern words a couple of times that's it... I don't want to pressure him and have him worry about it all) The bedroom was rocking big time on CD17, 21, 24, 26, 28 AND 30!! so I'm hoping with all hope and praying with all dreams that i O'd late again... and that i caught that eggy!

I had a real weird pain on my right hand side the night of CD25 (I think) it actually woke me up... and then it disappeared... so have taken another assumption that it maye have been ovulation pains...

Today... am on CD 31... I HATE that my cycles are so long and hard to read... but this one has been ok, so far! I'm sitting here now... trying not to stress or worry or wonder when AF should be turning up... I'm assuming i have between 1 day and maybe 8 days before iwould assume i am LATE... so am working on 8 days... figured if AF is still missing by next Thursday I'll test then! Am also pushing myself NOT to symptom hunt... and I'm doing ok so far...

So yes... there's my update!! Currently CD31, in my TWW and actually feeling positive... hopeing and dreaming for a BFP!! A couple of my friends have mentioned they have a 'gut feeling' about me this month... lets hope they're right!!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

*sings* all my friends are having babies!!

This is SUCH a good thing... and I'm so so so happy for them... but I always end up feeling down too... like why am I not getting there...

It's been 5 months... 5 loooong months... and I don't feel like I've gotten anywhere at all.

I don't think we're BDing at the right time... hell I don't think we're BDing enough at all!! to make a baby or to just satisfy each others cravings...

Other things always seem to be more important... and one of us or both of us are always grumpy... and that puts a downer on everything anyway. Or he's always tired...

I just keep slowly losing my positive attitude and getting confused and feeling lost and hating every single feeling that I'm having!

We need to relax... we need to get back to being just us again... with no stresses of working on friends cars... or doing some crap for something or other...
I want our relationship back to normal...

I want a baby so much... it seriously physically hurts... and I know it's only been 5 months... and with all the stuff I mentioned up there it's not like we've been doing every single thing possible to get pregnant for all of those months... It's just driving me insane...

And whenever I think that things are coming good, that we're in for a chance, or that something is going right it all just falls apart again...I'm so emotional... so up and down, so just... lost. Almost always feeling like i could just fall in a heap and cry...

I know I'm doing this to myself too though... stressing, worrying, hoping and jumping to conclusions every month...

But it's something that I ache for... that I need and it sucks not being able to get it!

Guess that's my vent for today.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

On to Cycle 5

Well my hope was short-lived when i wrote my last post.

That very afternoon the dreaded AF turned up. I half hoped and prayed that it was implantation bleeding... I even still tested when I was going to on the 9th... and I so so prayed that it was going to be two lines... But alas, it was not to be!

I had major tears when I saw the blood... as I was talking to my cyber buddy... was so hard to hide it while at work but I couldn't help it.

I felt almost numb... I had been so positive... and so sure that it was the right month for me... that it was going to happen and Steve would get a late Fathers Day present... I think I even half got his hopes up when I'd mentioned that I may have been 'late'

When I told him I was having cramps all I got was sad faces...

I know he wants this as much as I do but I also don;t wanna push him and tell him every detail while i'm testing with the OPK's and stuff.

I've started them again... as of yesterday... but I'm not using the internet cheapies I bought... they soo didn;t work for me. So I'm using the Forelife mid stream ones... and hopefully since they worked last cycle they shall work again... They're just a bit expensive... but I don't care... I need to know when I'm ovulating... I need to try and get Steve to BD a little more... give us more hope this month... more chance this month rather...

So yes... on to cycle 5... somewhere I hadn;t thought... and didn't want to think I would get to. I haven;t let the thoughts and ideas of the knowledge of how long it took my mum to fall to really sink in... I have thought about it... and I have silently hoped and prayed that it will NOT take me almost 2 years to fall for my baby... to be able to follow the dream I am aching for.

I am half hoping... thinking that... since this month... was the month we were sort of planning on originally trying for a bub... that maybe life has made me wait until now for it.

After all it IS our one year wedding anniversary the end of this month... and we're going away... perhaps i'm destined to ovulate then... that my bubba was waiting for the perfect occassion to come to me and snuggle deeply.

Ah more hopes and dreams I guess.

I'm still charting everything... hopefully it lets me know that yes my LP is regular at 12 days... which should be fine for a bub to snuggle in and implant... It's ALOT easier going into this cycle knowing that i 'should' know when AF is due...

So yes... time to cross your fingers and toes... (but not the legs or course :P) and hope that this cycle is THE cycle I've been hoping for.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Sheesh!!

It's already been almost a month since my last post!

I'm hopeless I know!

Well the OPK's turned up... and I was seriously beginning to think they didn't work for me!

I started using them from day 10 of my cycle, which was when I got them, and no positives! A friend of mine was using the same tests and they didn't seem to be working for her either.

So we both bought Forelife instream OPK's and BOTH got positives... so note to all you ladies out there... some OPK's do not work for women at all... others are just crap! I still have a bunch... and if I'm not UTD this cycle will still probably use them... I got a darkish line not long before I tested with the other and got my positive so may still help!

Anyways... I DID end up ovulating... way way way along on Cycle Day 27!! I was shocked! that is soo late! So of course I started wondering whether that would mean a short LP (luteal Phase) since my last cycle had been 29 days!!

But seems not... am now on Cycle Day 39!! My longest cycle since coming off the Pill... and I don't even remember any of my cycles before that being this long either... so my LP so far is 12 days... AF should be due between now and Friday...

Cervix still seems high... but temp dropped, so am doing some research as to what that means exactly... (not that much of it ever makes sense... will update when I have info.)

But fingers crossed AF doesn't turn up and i finally have that bubba in my belly I've been dreaming of.

oh yeah and I should add... (I'm always forgetful) i tested on Sunday... it was Fathers Day... so I was kind of hoping that I might be able to give Steve the best present ever! Unfortunately was a BFN... but then at only 10DPO it was almost gauranteed anyways!

I'm testing again tomorrow... 13DPO... am hoping I get the lines I want... if i don't... then I'll wait until after AF is 'supposedly' due... which is roughly Friday I think...

so we'll see!!

Monday, August 17, 2009

Well I'm plodding along...

still having ups and downs... seems that's the way this will be until I finally find that positive home pregnancy test one morning.

Steve and I went away to his home town for his 10 year school reunion... we got talking about stress and my work and stuff... and it was good... it actually opened up the gates on TTC and the ins and outs... of what happens as well as what kind of timing you have to catch that egg. that was really good.. since Steve didn't know.

so I've bought some OPK's... they turned up late but they got here... however... either i am having another looong cycle... and I haven't O'd yet... or they don't work for me.

I'm charting everything this month! Temp, cervical mucous AND OPK's... and still nothing...

Fertility Friend ( http://www.fertilityfriend.com/ ) says that according to my temps... i O'd on the 11th cervical mucous could possibly agree with that... however... *sighs* I added todays temp in only to have FF change my O date to the 14th... and i don't even know if THAT is right either...

I absolutely love hearing that my friends have gotten pregnant... that i can share in their joy so very much... that they're happy and shocked and everything all at once... I congratulate them all and look forward to watchign and hearing about everything...

just wish I was going through it too.

I just wonder... and worry... as I always do. If there's something wrong... if there's a reason WHY the OPK's aren't working... but I'm trying to keep that to the back of my mind... if I worry of that possibility I'll stress and if I stress... I won't be able to fall even if i can.

So I'm trying to stay positive... look forward... BD as much as we can in hopes that IF i AM Oing... we catch that eggie really soon!

Monday, August 3, 2009

Well another month and another cycle down.

My dear annoying and painful excuse for Aunt Flow turned up again on Saturday. Sort of started Friday night but got worse Saturday...

So CD1 again for me then.

This is cycle number 4... somewhere I was so hoping so much I would never get to. I had this big dream in my head that no matter what... the 10 years on the pill... everything... nothing was going to stop me from having the baby of my dreams in my belly as soon as it could be.

I had thought three months max... and I'd be pregnant... I suppose a lot of other women think the same thing and they end up like me... or even worse... I feel so much for the long term TTCers... I can't imagine how they would feel each month... after month with no luck...

Sheesh... these 3 are enough for me.

So... three months... three totally different cycle lengths (35, 32, 29) and NO idea what is going.

Steve wanted to go with the flow... see what happens when it happens... but typical me is getting the thoughts of.... 'what if something is wrong' running through my head.

I look at mum, who took 2 years to fall for me and another two for my brother... and wonder sometimes... is that going to be me too! And that I think in part... is why I keep falling down when i don't get that BFP or even late Aunt Flow. (she's always coming early)

I'm toying with the idea of temping... of checking my cervical mucus... and of maybe even looking into some OPK's (ovulation prediction kits) for a month at least... just to make sure i AM actually ovulating... and roughly when in my cycle I'm doing so.

I think that will be the only way I can set my mind at ease a little... that I can calm myself down and relax a little bit. I believe July was THE month... and believing as much as I did I think is what made me hit this rock in the road even harder.

I honestly don't believe there is anything wrong with Steve or me... but think I'd like to rule it out and know early... besides... knowing me, I'd be one of the ladies who ovulate way off the 'normal' point of ovulation.

I think if I do chart for a month... it will help me to level my head out... to understand more of what's going on since my body isn't telling me by itself... so I think that's what I'll have to do.

I hate... absolutely HATE feeling down because it hasn't happened yet... so I think it's time to do some checking... some following... and hope that this months cycle is the same as last months... or even better that dear Aunt Flow doesn't come at all and there's some good news!!

One can always hope... I just need to learn not to hope too much! The more I want something the harder I fall when I don't get it... and this is the worst so far in my life...

I hope my luck turns around soon and I can celebrate with Steve... the joy of us finally getting our dream of being mummy and daddy.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

I know!! I'm terrible!!!

we have been soo busy over the last month it has been unbelievable!!

hmm so a catch up....

I had a bit of a breakdown awhile ago...

After getting my BFN that first month i was just all blah... no other real word for it... i was stressed about trying for a baby and so many other things...

I've finally realised now that everything else doesn't matter... yes there will always be stress in my life but no there's not always something i can do about it or a way to fix it so i have to step back!

In saying that i like to think i've finally managed to do it.

As for the baby... no good news yet!! well not BIG news anyway.

We're onto cycle number 3. How long it's going to be i have NO idea. Cycle 1 was 35 days... Cycle 2 was 32. so I decided to average out roughly when I 'should' be ovulating based on those and got between the Friday just gone and this Friday (also my birthday! so could be a good sign)

Mind you I was chatting on one of my many forums and my lovely friend mentioned cervical mucus again and that it's normally really slippery and such when it's very fertile... well I had that about 5 days after Aunt Flow left...

so now I'm not quite sure... am thinking that maybe I ovulate quite early in my cycle and have a long Luteal phase...

but then there's no way to know for sure unless I track even more.

So instead of doing that... hubby and I have just been attacking each other whenever we can and hoping to catch this lil eggie of mine! In research i have read they say for the best chance to catch that eggie you need to do the babydance at least every 2-4 days throughout your cycle, and we've been alternating so we'll see!

I have had a pretty good feeling about this month... but then that doesn;t necessarily mean anything... guess I'll have to wait and see what happens.

Based on my dates... the earliest i 'could' or 'should' test is probably Friday the 31st of July... Aunt Flow should have reared her ugly head by then if she's coming.

so am thinking of holding off to test until the Saturday or Sunday... (if she hasn;t turned up of course) so am crossing my fingers and we'll see how we go!

Monday, June 15, 2009

its been forever!

Well I know... it's been forever since I've posted.

There's been a lot of stuff going on and honestly... I needed to get my head around a lot of stuff and stop stressing myself out.

So trying to catch you up then.

As I had written... I was basing myself on a standard cycle last month as it was the first month of being off the pill I had no idea really what it would be.

Well I was late... and I got my hopes up only to find out that I have a 35 day cycle (or did last month... am hoping the same this month!)

So i was all excited... thinking my period was late... that I could really be up the duff already... especially having Steve pushing and pushing that he KNEW we were pregnant already because I

Well he was wrong... and I got so down about it... and then all these annoying other things came into it. Nothing to do with TTC but enough to bring my stress levels way up!

Oh and now my mum and dad know we are trying... and know about my stress from the first BFN!! well from the first test... I'm tipping they assumed the results.

But yeah... the end of last month was a stressful one for me. But Steve and I have been talking heaps... and though there is still stresses here... I'm working at pushing all of them to the back of my mind and worrying only about Him, me and hopefully our soon to be conceived baby.

I do have to thank my online friends... If I didn't have them to talk with and vent to... I'd be going nuts even more than have been!! They're my rocks (along with Steve of course) and I love them for it.

Oooooh... I've also been looking into making my own modern cloth nappies. Am hoping to buy some material and give one a go soon... once htings calm themselves down a little!

wish me luck!!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Two Week Wait

Well this whole trying to follow a cycle is really hard!!

I've been assuming all this month that i have a 'standard' cycle... which would be 28 days... with therefore would mean i ovulate roughly around day 14.

However cervical Mucus (one of the signs you can use to track fertility and ovulation) seems to tell me otherwise.

there are many different types of cervical mucus to tell you roughly where you are in your cycle.

I've found a great site (with the thanks to a friend who sent it to me first! *blows kisses* thanks Manda) that gives quite a bit of information on a lot of different things...

here's some of what it had to say about CM (cervical Mucus)

Your cervical mucus changes based on your cycle. For example, when you are ovulating your mucus will be like egg whites making it easy for sperm to navigate to reach the egg. However, when you are not ovulating the mucus will not be as “sperm friendly.”

Every woman’s body is different and so is her cervical mucus. However, the changes you should expect include mucus that changes from sticky and/or dry to cream like, then wet to egg white, and then back to being dry and then sticky again. When you can recognize these stages then you can recognize ovulation. When your mucus is wet or egg white then ovulation is soon to occur. If you want to get pregnant this is the best time to do the deed because your chances are greatest!

Remember, when checking your cervical mucus you will want to always have clean and dry hands and be in a position that is comfortable so you can relax. Some women sit on the toilet, put a leg on the bathtub, or even squat. Do what’s comfortable.

Now, insert your middle finger into your vagina and get a sample of mucus. The closer the mucus is to the cervix the better indicator it will be. Check for the egg white consistency and if you find it you know you are ovulating. If not, you just have to keep checking!


How to Chart Changes in Your Cervical Mucus

Women who are trying to conceive can use a variety of techniques to help determine when the best time for conception is. One of the ways that many women use is to chart changes in their cervical mucus.

It is important before you start charting your cervical mucus to know what exactly it is that you are looking for. During your monthly cycle, your cervical mucus can change greatly in its color, its consistency, and in its volume.

If you do not have any cervical mucus, you have most likely just finished your menstrual period. For the first three to five days following your period, your body will produce little or no cervical mucus. If you have little or no cervical mucus, there is little or no chance for conception.

Cervical mucus is generally sticky and ranges from white to cloudy in color during the time between your period and ovulation. This is also a time where you will not have much cervical mucus. While conception is possible, it is not likely during this time.

Cervical mucus will become moist but sticky, about the consistency of a hand lotion product, just days before you ovulate. At this stage, the color will range from white to cream-colored. If your cervical mucus appears this way, there is some chance for conception.

When you are ovulating, you will have the most cervical mucus. The cervical mucus should be about the same texture and have a similar appearance to an egg white; at this stage, it is often referred to as “egg-white cervical mucus.” This is the time, during ovulation, when you are most likely to become pregnant.

If your cervical mucus is similar to an egg white, but is less slippery, you may have just finished ovulating. This is generally the case between the end of ovulation and the beginning of your next period. While here again there is some chance for conception, it is a relatively small chance.

By checking your cervical mucus each day, you can help to figure out exactly where in your cycle you are. By charting changes in your cervical mucus for several months, you can get a pretty good idea of exactly how many days from the end of your period that you will ovulate, and thereby determine when is the best time for conception.

Many women combine charting changes in their cervical mucus with charting basal body temperature. Basal body temperature refers to the temperature of your body the first thing in the morning. Using a Basal thermometer, you can check your temp in the morning before you get out of bed. A Basal thermometer will monitor small changes in temperature that a regular thermometer will not measure. When you are ovulating, you will notice a temperature spike that will probably last until your next period. By combining a BBT chart with your cervical mucus chart, you can increase your chances for conception.

so based on this type of information... I'm now assuming I ovulated around cycle day 21.

Hopefully Aunt Flow comes soon (though that means no pregnancy this month) and i'll know where i'm at cycle wise a little better...


OR


Hopefully Aunt Flow doesn;t come and i tests and get a wonderful BFP!!


either way wish me luck!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009