Thursday, September 17, 2009

On to Cycle 5

Well my hope was short-lived when i wrote my last post.

That very afternoon the dreaded AF turned up. I half hoped and prayed that it was implantation bleeding... I even still tested when I was going to on the 9th... and I so so prayed that it was going to be two lines... But alas, it was not to be!

I had major tears when I saw the blood... as I was talking to my cyber buddy... was so hard to hide it while at work but I couldn't help it.

I felt almost numb... I had been so positive... and so sure that it was the right month for me... that it was going to happen and Steve would get a late Fathers Day present... I think I even half got his hopes up when I'd mentioned that I may have been 'late'

When I told him I was having cramps all I got was sad faces...

I know he wants this as much as I do but I also don;t wanna push him and tell him every detail while i'm testing with the OPK's and stuff.

I've started them again... as of yesterday... but I'm not using the internet cheapies I bought... they soo didn;t work for me. So I'm using the Forelife mid stream ones... and hopefully since they worked last cycle they shall work again... They're just a bit expensive... but I don't care... I need to know when I'm ovulating... I need to try and get Steve to BD a little more... give us more hope this month... more chance this month rather...

So yes... on to cycle 5... somewhere I hadn;t thought... and didn't want to think I would get to. I haven;t let the thoughts and ideas of the knowledge of how long it took my mum to fall to really sink in... I have thought about it... and I have silently hoped and prayed that it will NOT take me almost 2 years to fall for my baby... to be able to follow the dream I am aching for.

I am half hoping... thinking that... since this month... was the month we were sort of planning on originally trying for a bub... that maybe life has made me wait until now for it.

After all it IS our one year wedding anniversary the end of this month... and we're going away... perhaps i'm destined to ovulate then... that my bubba was waiting for the perfect occassion to come to me and snuggle deeply.

Ah more hopes and dreams I guess.

I'm still charting everything... hopefully it lets me know that yes my LP is regular at 12 days... which should be fine for a bub to snuggle in and implant... It's ALOT easier going into this cycle knowing that i 'should' know when AF is due...

So yes... time to cross your fingers and toes... (but not the legs or course :P) and hope that this cycle is THE cycle I've been hoping for.

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